Learn To Feel What You Feel


Parental self awareness, learning to feel what you feel, is the ability to look at one’s self from moment to moment during parent/child interactions, and ask one’s self, “How am I feeling?” This level of awareness brings you into the moment, the present, and this is where love lies. When you can meet your child in the present without all of the worries of the future and hurts and fears from the past, then you will be parenting from a place of love, parenting in the now.

Helpful Hints

  • If we find ourselves wanting to “feel good” and avoiding “feel bad”, we are missing the point, the present and more importantly, the love.
  • The answer to the question does not begin with “I think” (i.e. I think I am angry).
  • Feeling what we feel is the goal here. I know this can sometimes be yucky. Focus on the sensations and not on your “thoughts about what it means”.
  • Move out of your head and into your body for this exercise.

If you missed last weeks formula for understanding fear and stress, here it is again

Many years ago, in the midst of a child meltdown, Bryan sent us an email that was so “to the point” I had to write it up and repeat it as he suggested. As far as I know, he has never shared this in his writings so this may be the first time this little gem has appeared publicly. I hope you can find this as valuable as my wife and I have. – David Durovy

If ………………………… (substitute your child’s name) is getting worse, then his/her stress has continued to rise.

The more stressed, the worse the behavior.

The worse the behavior, the more fear that you will reject him/her.

The more fear that you will reject or abandon him/her, the worse the behavior.

The worse the behavior, the more you feel like a failure.

The more you feel like a failure, the more stressful it is for you, and the more prone you are to reject and emotionally abandon him/her, thereby causing more stress for both you and  ……………………… and the cycle continues.

The prescription? Read this 20 times today, 20 times tomorrow and 10 times a day for the next week. Let us know how this works and what you learn.