Time-In, Time Out & Containment: What’s a Mother (or Dad) To Do?

Dear Bryan,

We found out about you about five weeks ago when we were on our knees with our (adopted) son’s behavior. I admit, I was cynical but was open to try anything.

I watched your YouTube video and then the very next time our son melted down instead of time out and what I now see was an unhealthy reaction to his behavior I told him that I loved him, didn’t like to see him so upset and thought that I could make him feel calmer with a cuddle. I opened my arms and an amazing thing happened … this little boy who has been punching, kicking, screaming, shouting, threatening, throwing things, breaking things (you know, I know you know!) and progressively getting worse for the last three years just walked into my arms and kissed me. He snuggled and then later we talked and I found out what had upset him and we fixed it together. Simple.

Within two weeks of meeting every meltdown with the same love our little boy who thinks that he is rubbish, doesn’t like himself and can’t do anything well, has told me that he loves himself. This is quite possibly the most wonderful thing that I have heard in my life! My boy is feeling better about himself.

Our two children both came to us at four years old. Our son four years ago and our daughter last Summer. We have a long way to go and years to make up for but I now feel that we CAN make a change and they WILL be OK despite their start. This is a far cry from the desperation that we have felt. We choose love and the way that we roll now even after just five weeks hears a lot more laughter than before! Thank you, thank you, thank you. –P.B.

Success story #2: From Freakin Out to Making Dinner Together
We received a note from a caseworker that shows just how simple this love based model is and I felt I had to share it with you. Many of our parents wonder where to start. Wherever they are at any moment is a good place. Here is a clue.

She wrote saying “I had a mother call me telling me that her 7 year old daughter was “freakin out, throwing one of her fits”… Mom had put child in her room and closed the door and I could hear the child screaming at the top of her lungs over the phone, and either hitting the door or throwing things at the door. I told the mother to go into the child’s room and just sit on the bed and stare at the floor. Within 30 seconds that child was calmed down, not completely but almost. In about 45 seconds that child was not screaming or talking loud at all and within another minute the child and the mother were talking about getting dinner ready”.

How simple is that? (Note: For more help in where to start, read Kirk Martin’s (founder of Celebrate Calm) advice telling parents to Just Shut Up!