Time-In, Time Out & Containment: What’s a Mother (or Dad) To Do?


There have been some interesting comments on Bryan’s Facebook posts on Time-In. Two short success stories also showed just how simple this very powerful tool can be, although admittedly, hard to accept at face value. It seems to turn the tables on discipline and as some parents have said, “it rewards a child for being bad!” Poppycock.

Bryan has often said that 90%-95% of children can be parented with any approach, even a bad one and still live a fruitful life. There are those parents who say, “I was  taken out back behind the woodshed,  got a good whippin’ and I turned out alright”. So why shouldn’t we all beat our kids right?

I love the part about “I turned out alright”. When I look at the world, I am not convinced that all that many of us turned out ‘alright’. We meet people every day who appear to have “turned out alright” but don’t we all have our issues – and some of them very destructive? All you have to do is read the paper to see the validity of this. And most of us are not attachment challenged. Yet our children – the ones you and I have in our care or in our families – have attachment issues and many with severe trauma histories.

To help you better understand and implement this easy approach to helping your child, I am including some simple success stories which show how some parents have used this – and the results they experienced. And these are with attachment disorder kids, the really tough ones. I wonder what would happen if we used applied these to typical children. Might we end up someday in world that is ‘better than alright”?

Read two excerpts from The Great Behavior Breakdown: Time-In vs Time-Out and Containment: The Foundation for Time-In

Success story #1: From Meltdown to Snuggle-down

Dear Bryan,

We found out about you about five weeks ago when we were on our knees with our (adopted) son’s behavior. I admit, I was cynical but was open to try anything.

I watched your YouTube video and then the very next time our son melted down instead of time out and what I now see was an unhealthy reaction to his behavior I told him that I loved him, didn’t like to see him so upset and thought that I could make him feel calmer with a cuddle. I opened my arms and an amazing thing happened … this little boy who has been punching, kicking, screaming, shouting, threatening, throwing things, breaking things (you know, I know you know!) and progressively getting worse for the last three years just walked into my arms and kissed me. He snuggled and then later we talked and I found out what had upset him and we fixed it together. Simple.

Within two weeks of meeting every meltdown with the same love our little boy who thinks that he is rubbish, doesn’t like himself and can’t do anything well, has told me that he loves himself. This is quite possibly the most wonderful thing that I have heard in my life! My boy is feeling better about himself.

Our two children both came to us at four years old. Our son four years ago and our daughter last Summer. We have a long way to go and years to make up for but I now feel that we CAN make a change and they WILL be OK despite their start. This is a far cry from the desperation that we have felt. We choose love and the way that we roll now even after just five weeks hears a lot more laughter than before! Thank you, thank you, thank you. –P.B.

Success story #2: From Freakin Out to Making Dinner Together
We received a note from a caseworker that shows just how simple this love based model is and I felt I had to share it with you. Many of our parents wonder where to start. Wherever they are at any moment is a good place. Here is a clue.

She wrote saying “I had a mother call me telling me that her 7 year old daughter was “freakin out, throwing one of her fits”… Mom had put child in her room and closed the door and I could hear the child screaming at the top of her lungs over the phone, and either hitting the door or throwing things at the door. I told the mother to go into the child’s room and just sit on the bed and stare at the floor. Within 30 seconds that child was calmed down, not completely but almost. In about 45 seconds that child was not screaming or talking loud at all and within another minute the child and the mother were talking about getting dinner ready”.

How simple is that? (Note: For more help in where to start, read Kirk Martin’s (founder of Celebrate Calm) advice telling parents to Just Shut Up!

Success story #3: If You Can’t Beat ’em, Join ’em! Click HERE How mindfulness brought this mom to the ultimate Time-In fight of her life!

Think Time-In doesn’t work? Think again. Choose love and see what happens.

2 thoughts on “Time-In, Time Out & Containment: What’s a Mother (or Dad) To Do?

    • admin says:

      Basically, you are working with an older teen that may be years behind in development which adds some additional challenges. Same approach, same understanding (even applicable to adults/young adults), but the quality of influence is more important here as that is your major tool. I recommend the CD that Helene and I did on teenage girls as an excellent primer for you.http://postinstitute.com/store/parenting-difficult-tweens-teens/

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